The Essence of Life is Giving! – Billy Knight

As part of an ongoing challenge, I began the write-thing today (Day 15) about the shame and stigma associated with unwanted pregnancy. Emphasis on unwanted. – i.e. Even amongst legally married people. I got first-hand account from a few people and my mind went on a roller coaster of emotions, deeply wounded by the stories and experiences of those who cared to share their tales.

Subsequently, my thought process triggered a flow that went somewhat like this: “When an ‘unwanted child’ is growing up in society, especially for the child borne out of wedlock, who (should) get the blame or the brunt of our bashing: the parents, the child, or the circumstances surrounding the birth of the child?” Is it even appropriate to blame or bash, and if so, why?? “He who is without sin should cast the first stone” – Jesus.

He who is without sin should cast the first stone.

However, news about Billy Knight committing suicide (or being found dead) a few hours after releasing a “goodbye video” further wounded my already bleeding heart. I try not to judge people that do not understand depression or suicide, because, like faith and Christianity, it defies logic and rational thought.

em·pa·thyˈempəTHē/em·pa·thy        noun      the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Empathy does not even cut it, how do you empathize with a situation or condition that you do not understand? It is an ability you either have, or lack, or choose to cultivate (if that is a possibility).

A very good friend of mine died in 2012 and, his death got to me and hit me so bad, I began to wonder what happened in the hereafter. I started a full blown research re what the departed do in paradise. I not only became depressed afterwards, I subsequently became overwhelmed with life and living. I got to such a low point that I began to envy the departed. I penned a goodbye note to the world, and just before I posted it online, I received a call from a beloved friend. The sound of her voice woke me up and brought me back to my senses.

The mind is a terrible thing to waste!

Fast-forward to 2015, I suffered the worst episode of depression (till date) and became suicidal again. Alone and far from social, physical, and emotional support, I began contemplating ending it all. After all, this time I did not have to worry about being missed since I was not known, I was in a strange land and city and was a random statistic, a visible minority, a non-resident alien, a POC. {#DWP – and no, this is not the title to the Netflix Series!!!}

In the nick of time, my doctor called me randomly to check on me, and I knew I was going to be here much longer. We talked at length and she suggested I do something to bring people together even if I couldn’t necessarily afford to be with them, physically. 

Following doctor’s orders, I created a group chat and added my friends. As silly and as selfish or unethical as it might sound, it was therapeutic and it worked just fine. I regained my sanity.

The role of friends in fighting depression can never be overemphasized. Integrity starts with “I”. Be the “friend” that someone needs today. Be (y)our brother’s keeper. 

Friend frend/ noun

noun: friend; plural noun: friends; noun: Friend; plural noun: Friends

  1. a person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

synonyms: companion, soul mate, intimate, confidante, confidant, familiar, alter ego, second self, playmate, playfellow, classmate, schoolmate, workmate; ally, associate; sister, brother; best friend, kindred spirit, bosom buddy, bosom friend;
Informal pal, chum, sidekick, crony, main man, mate, buddy, bud, amigo, compadre, homeboy, homegirl, homie, dawg, gal pal, BF, BFF; peeps
Archaic compeer

    2. A person who acts as a supporter of a cause, organization, or country by giving financial or other help.

synonyms: patron, backer, supporter, benefactor, benefactress, sponsor;
* a person who is not an enemy or who is on the same side
* a familiar or helpful thing
* (often as a polite form of address or in ironic reference) an acquaintance or a stranger one comes across – “my friends, let me introduce myself”
* a contact associated with a social networking website – “all of a sudden you’ve got 50 friends online who need to stay connected”

antonyms: Enemy

Life is in stAGEs and sometimes, we outgrow our friends. However, at the time that it mattered, at the time that it was necessary, I had the support of these friends and it worked for me.

My point?: The secret of living is giving. As long as we continue to live for ourselves alone, something dies within us. Gradually killing that which is still alive within us.

Constantly looking into mirrors almost always reveals a defect. This typically causes sadness or depression, and usually triggers a need to take appropriate action to modify our appearance(s).. It’s okay to reflect and make necessary changes where applicable, but we need to look out of windows and reach out to serve and help others more.

Morbid introspection has never yielded good fruits. It only leads down a dark path and spirals us further into the abyss.

A·byss əˈbis/ noun
a deep or seemingly bottomless chasm.
Synonyms: chasm, gorge, ravine, canyon, fissure, rift, crevasse, hole, gulf, pit, cavity, void, bottomless pit

I do not pray to lose any friends or family members to depression or death by suicide, but I do not know how to help people who refuse to speak out or ask for help.

Disclaimer: In spite of seeming evidence to the contrary, I am not clairvoyant.

clair·voy·ant          ˌklerˈvoiənt/        

noun   1.a person who claims to have a supernatural ability to perceive events in the future or beyond normal sensory contact.

synonyms:         psychic, fortune teller, crystal gazer;

adjective 1.having or exhibiting an ability to perceive events in the future or beyond normal sensory contact.

synonyms:         psychic, telepathic, visionary, oracular; second-sighted

The essence of life is giving!



Categories: Relationships | Leave a comment

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