Saturday 9th November
I woke up at about 1:53am and sat up for a bit wondering what life, in particular, my life, is/was/is about. Seeing I did not come to a logical conclusion, I began to craft a beautiful “goodbye world” letter: addressed to anyone that would ever stop by my blog, page or FB profile to read. It was the least I could do …
I saw it as my way of “giving back” to society. Most of my contemporaries happen to be e-Literates: certified post graduate degree holders with enviable careers and professional qualifications; whilst I ‘seemingly’ only excel at ‘doing the write-thing’. I knew I was being parochial, but I talked myself real down and low, so low, I began to envy the departed.
So, here I was, investing my time, wit, and resources on my-last-will-and-testament. It didn’t help much that I was laughing at myself in-between paragraphs, knowing full well it was nothing but an attention-seeking scam, marking a transient phase. I plunged into it and worked hard at editing and paraphrasing till about 6am when I was jostled back to reality by a phone call from my mom, YeLumde.
There and then, I knew that ‘letter’ would never see the web pages it had been intended for. There was no way I was going to be stupid enough to bring any more pain to the woman that brought me forth to life. Unfortunately, even though I tried real hard to hide it, she could hear the despair and despondency in my voice. God bless our mothers. God bless all mothers. And so, thanks to YeLumde, you will never read that letter.
Yes, I love attention, and I do have my down times, but I will never give in to a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Life is worth fighting for. We’re all going to die someday anyway, so whilst I’m here, I’m going to make my life count. And chicken-ing out is not the way.
What brought me to this point? A blocked goal. Nothing more than a detour in my path. Something I had neither foreseen nor preempted. Simple.
What took me out of it? A phone call… A genuine and healthy conversation from a caring heart. Concern. Attention. Affection. Simple.
To the few friends I reached out to, thank you for being just-a-phone-call away.
Please stay in touch with the people you love. It always helps.