A few years ago, I would have cringed at the thought of not marrying a virgin (Double entendre ~ i.e. getting married not only as a virgin but also to a virgin partner). But these days, everything borders on or is bordered by instant gratification. Delay is denial. “Fast is an attitude.” Applied in context; “If you’re a virgin at 13 you’re xx years too slow (~hogwash~)”. Let’s face it though, by the time you’re 30, (single and currently still childless), chances of being and/or meeting a suitable virgin mate are pretty slim (really slim). This premise however is no justification for de-Tale I am about to sh-Air. That said, I’m going ahead to share it anyway.

Of a truth, there must have been several virgins in Bethlehem when the angel appeared to Mary. But God chose her; so I’m guessing there’s more to being chosen than (primarily) the virgin-status, no? There is also the account of the ten virgins. Five of whom were rejected whilst the other five were chosen. So definitely, there’s more to being chosen than virginity (QED). This account is about a particular time in the life of a single fe-Male. For anonymity’s sake (duh) let’s just say a time in the life of a particular oomf’s; no it’s about a time in my life. Deal with it. (Lol, yeah…)

I look back and think that it’s quite ironic that I chose to give myself away on Boxing Day.{picture yourself unwrapping gifts under the christmas tree}. I say ‘give myself away’ because I didn’t lose my virginity in the sense of something taken without my knowledge. I had become used to people taking advantage of me, so it was exhilarating to find someone who thought the world of me and (seemingly) wanted nothing in return. I was elated. My bff, Funmi, noticed this and warned me, “Selfishness is not so bad a sin as self-neglect. Take care of yourself first.” Wale was hard-working, focused, determined, and seemed to have it all together. Apparently (in retrospect) all that branding/packaging finally made me succumb to his suave self. The best part is he did not force me. That might have been all part of the game, but he was a good player. I was a long con. But he got his mark. That I give to him. {That’s if it was all (just) a game} …

I had read several editions of the soft sell teen magazines, Brio and Teen Gist. I had also attended countless youth camps and seminars where they emphasized that “True Love Waits” so it was not naiveté that brought me here. My bff Funmi and I had discussed severally and we’d both decided to be accountable to each other. Plans. Intentions. Good intentions, really. But what’s a couple supposed to do after hanging out and dinner anyways? Kiss and go home? Is it even right to kiss? I really don’t know anymore, truthfully. My point is, it was not ignorance. It was probably a mere lack of knowledge. Whatever that is (Knowledge *smh*) Bottom line is I honestly never thought I’d find myself here. Defiling the marriage bed? Ms. Pious Sanctimonious!

But “he has consigned all men to disobedience that he may have mercy on them, no?” *sigh* Love gives and forgives. Love also waits. ~Love. Time. Sigh~

Prior to Dec 26 (Boxing Day); Wale and I had talked about it – us having sex; and since it was going to be my first time, he wanted me to know what I was truly getting into. A very painful thing, lol and Yes, he told me (pre-warned?) that it wasn’t reversible. Kind of like giving me time to think long and hard about it. He did not want me to hate him after all the excitement (he knew I had been delaying gratification). The love was that deep and true, Lol. There had been several sleepovers prior to that day, but we had not really crossed the line. ~ The Major ~ Like he put it, he had not kissed my vertical lips (the female anatomy has both horizontal and vertical lips).

Every other line we had managed to cross, except the vertical kiss. I remember what I wore, like it was yesterday. Voices in my head told me it wasn’t too late to change my mind. But my curiosity got the best of me. What’s this sex thing all about really? I did not think I was still a virgin anymore anyways. Not after all the several arousals to orgasm and foreplay we’d managed to pull off in the time we’d been together. I mean, at what point do you finally lose it? If you’ve come once or twice (by whatever means) you’re no longer a virgin. (Or are you?) That was my premise. That was my stance. He promised me he’d be gentle. But also promised there would be a lot of pain; not to mention the work he would have had to do, LOL.

He bought chocolates, olive oil, and had some ice cubes and there was soft music. He wanted to minimize the level of discomfort as much as possible. He comes into the room chuckling, “I can’t remember the last time I met a virgin”. We gradually take off our clothes and he’s all over me. The usual excitement lasts for a bit and then I feel pain: it’s my first time and it’s so not like in the movies. I’m so clueless; I don’t know what to do. My thoughts range between “so this is what it’s like” and “I’m so not supposed to be here”. I remember that he’s meant to use a condom and mention it to him. He puts it on but I feel a lot of pain and he eventually takes it off. A few minutes and it’s all over.

He goes to take a shower and I’m left in the room. I get up from the stained bed and think “wow, that’s me. That’s my blood right there on these sheets.”He gets back from the bathroom, sees the stain on the sheets, smiles at me and decides that he’ll clean it. I can’t let him do that – it’s my blood. I wash it myself and then take a shower. Right now, I’m not actually sure the order in which the last three events took place. I was in a very new place, and my mind was foggy. He comes over to my side and holds me tight. “It’s ok, he said. It’d be better the next time, I still love you – my only fear is you probably hate me right now.” I felt a weak smile crawl to my face. A few words tumbled out of my mouth. To this day I have no idea what I said. Sleep was the last thing on my mind and he seemed too distracted for chit chat. We snacked and then decided to see a movie. We cuddled for a bit, talking sweet nonsense and then he dozed off.

The next few days are a mirage. I remember however, that I clothed myself in shame and wrapped a load of guilt around me. I withdrew from Funmi my bff. I think I took it out on her. I felt her concerned stares and they penetrate so hard I thought she was judging me. I hadn’t mentioned anything to her but I was paranoid. No one knew what I’d been up to so I kept mum. I decided to get a PT-kit, just to be sure. About three weeks later, Wale woke up with a pain in his chest. His flat-mate buzzed me when they were at the hospital. I rushed over and saw a pale-Wale give a very weak smile as he uttered the words, “thank you for everything”. He passed on within the hour. It’s been 11 months. His son is 3months old today. A replica of the Wale we all knew. His Mom and Sister are happy “Wale lives on” they say, rejoicing. I’m confused and lonely; very lonely. More confused than lonely though, thanks to Wale (junior).

This story was sent in by a friend who asked me to sh-Air on her behalf. I put a “younique” twist in de-Tale to hide her identity. The summary of this story is simple: “What’s done in the dark will someday be revealed in the light. Eventually, our past catches up with us.” Like Mee, when her world tumbled beneath her feet, she contemplated suicide. Our encouragement to any wounded ‘soldier’ who’s fallen under a load of guilt is this: “You may fall into sin but don’t practice sin. Grace abounds but don’t continue in sin.” We don’t have the grace to keep ourselves from falling, but we should let God see our desire to stand. We need to make an effort to live a life that pleases God. Yeah, make an effort. Let God see that you’re willing to try. Through it all, I’m grateful to God for time which stops everything from happening at once. “Time-o-Time ~ Precious time.” Thank God for time. Time heals all wounds. Time changes perspectives. TIME.

Categories: Relationships, Social, Spiritual | 19 Comments

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19 thoughts on “Sexpectations

  1. Abayor

    Lovely. Well, that was expected. I love the way you handled the mad mix of emotions post-sin though. I wanted to see how you would wriggle out of that, write-ly so, and you pulled it off, bravo dear. It’s been a while since I last saw Kimberly. Do give her a kiss on my behalf. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tomi Ovonlen

    I love your write ups. Keep it up pls.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oluwaseun757

    Ma dear CmeSimi, MoYounique, Alosimi Ekianosi, Kimberly Williams!

    Brilliant, awesome, full-of-content babe u r. Pls do more of the write-thing. U r getting berra and berra @ it.

    #hugs + laffs in syllables+ winks#

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lola

    You may fall into sin but dnt practice sin! Love this!!! Well written!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • in our walk through life, we will stumble and fall; that’s a given. BUT it should be an exception and not the rule. Get up and move on … forgive, forget, aim higher, just don’t stay down!!!


  5. olumide

    so what did you do with the Olive Oil?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bugus

    I‘m still trying to put my brain in order. I went through a twist…good one here and i won‘t compare your write-up with any other cos you are UNIQUE!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • thanks for the feedback … hope you’re “settled in your head now?”. LOL what caused the twist though? *curious*


  7. tima

    I like the write-up…lovely twist to the story at the end…
    thumbs up!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. The Celebrity

    Awesome read! Stunning Topic. Great plot. Classic Delivery. Grande ending message.

    I’m pretty amazed Ms Understood (aka MoYounique) has hit the curves again making Shakespare and Cicero lilliputians in the mesmerizing way she twists her plot and plays on words.

    I recommend Cme should do more writing more often. Some amazing food for the soul

    Thanks for sharing a little sneak peek into that Medulla of yours

    Liked by 1 person

  9. moyo

    Grace does abound! But shall we stay back bcos we dnt wanna hurt someone?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. obos

    nice one

    Liked by 1 person

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