Why Should I Get Married ?!?

My mentor and friend Tyler Perry, whose alter ego is MADEA has written two fabulous screen scripts: “Why did I get Married” and “Why did I get Married Too?” Unfortunately, he is yet to address the dilemma I am currently faced with. “Why should I get married?” Don’t get Mee wrong, the flesh is (very) willing but the heart is weak… and I can explain the weakness of my heart.

1. I was borne out of wedlock – it is easy for people born into stable families to choose to get married and sometimes judge those who choose not to. BUT except you have worn the shoes I wear and not faltered on the way, due to the stones in those shoes or the holes in them…err…you have no right to gimme advice… (ouch!)

2. Growing up exposed Mee to power tussles between “the parents” and family members of my birth parents – to say I was tossed to and fro would be putting it mildly (not to mention the fact that I had to constantly change schools and addresses and err, religion *** sigh)

3. To reduce the inconsistency I was made to undergo, I was sent to and subsequently raised by another set of parents further complicating my ‘problems’ – of course, this meant adapting to a new set of rules and parenting style plus err… “new siblings” ***sigh

4. My birth-siblings rejected Mee and theirs was worse than the rejection from my ‘step’ siblings. There was beef everywhere …left, right, yep…you gorrit (thick beef)…

5. The kids of my affinal mother didn’t completely accept Mee cos I was not their true sibling…*sigh* ~ “Society, IF a child is borne out of wedlock, is it the fault of the child, the fault of the parents or the fault of the circumstances that led to the conception and ultimate birth of that child?!?” Who takes the bulk of the blame? ~ and Yes, why should it be the ‘innocent’ child?

6. After a while, I was sent to another set of parents now known as my foster parents. They consented to raise Mee and well, that put a temporary end to my misery

7. Today, my birth parents are pressurizing Mee to start a family #dilemma: – I don’t want to raise kids that’d be as troubled as I was when I was growing up. The only thing I knew and understood as a kid and subsequently as a teenager was REJECTION. I dint quite fit in anywhere. Not that I truly fit anywhere now, but “acceptance” is something I now know. Thankfully, the pain of rejection isn’t so strong anymore. Call it maturity, call it anything else. At least I now like Mee (and that, believe me is good enough for Mee)

8. When I asked “the parents” why they did all that to Mee, they simply apologized and told Mee it was not intentional (In fairness to them, they did not plan it, but who ever does?). Failure to plan is a plan to fail

9. No one goes into a marriage with a plan to leave it, or at least so I hear… I don’t know if that’s true YET but from what I’ve seen and experienced, I’m otherwise convinced. Some people are just too d***d selfish to take FULL responsibility and commit. It takes a lot of strength to commit, so I can identify with those who chicken out…but at whose expense?!?

IMHO Taking responsibility for one’s actions is the first step in maturity. Response-ability. Until you can be response-able, you should not dabble or meddle with another person’s life or emotions (easier said than done though)

10. Anyways, after all said and done….they asked my pastor to step in. I asked him the same question I have been asking almost ALL my life; “why should I get married?” not every child can withstand the pressure in/of a broken home and still turn out oh-kay. (like I did, err mybad, like Mee for instance)

With the way I have turned out it sure takes more than will, effort and determination, it takes a lot of GRACE…I turned out alrite dint I?!? Lol. Marriage is for keeps and until I am sure I am responsible and ready to stay in it for a lifetime (OMG, LIFETIME!!! ?!? ) – for my children’s sake, until I’m CERTAIN I am responsible and ready to stay in it for a lifetime, I’d PASS! Thank you plenty…

Thankfully many of those cousins, uncles and aunties plus my other siblings who maltreated Mee are now kissing arse – thank God it’s not the other way round. But I remember so well… Children NEVER forget. (Well, maltreated is not the word, let’s just say who didn’t treat Mee right … like the princess that I am/was/am/was/was/am)

As per my inquiry, my pastor refused to convince Mee because he didn’t want to be seen as cajoling since not everyone is destined to get married (oh well *sigh*). But he said something that struck and stuck; “anyone you blame for the way you are is the one you have given power to control your destiny.” GBAM!!!

In other words, if you want to get married (or do any other thing in life), go ahead and do so; don’t let the (past/present) actions or in-actions of one man or a group of people determine your (present/future) actions, reactions or in-actions.

But I’m STILL thinking, why should I get married…?!? …Why shouldn’t I?!?

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Categories: Relationships, Social | Tags: , , | 16 Comments

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16 thoughts on “Why Should I Get Married ?!?

  1. Yetunde

    Besides, I think if marriage is part of God’s will for you, cos he has designed that with SOMEONE you would accomplish together much more that you could on your own – in line with what He (God, that is) wants you to do in this world, then He will give the grace for that marriage… you’ll find that every experience you’ve had would have helped you prepare to be the right person for that SOMEONE in that marriage, ditto for him, so that together, you can do what God wants for you, and ultimately become the fullness of whom He’s created you to be… and you can only do that fully by walking with Him, which is the ultimate aim of your creation (?). So, I don hope that made sense, it was quite a long sentence…

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  2. kay

    At the end of the day, there are no guarantees in life. You may wake up tomorrow fully mature and ready for marriage, find your “ideal” partner and get hitched, but then ten years later things still end up s**t (it takes two to make a marriage work but only one to destroy it).
    What is my point? (I’m a bit confused right now myself 🙂 ) As long as you are willing to work and provide for your children’s physical and emotional needs, your kids will definitely never be at the risk of being raised by extended family as long as you are alive so you can tick that off your list of disadvantages.

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  3. Mojisola

    Don’t let ur past determine ur future,let it go,I also did not have d best as a kid but have made it my priority my kids will have d best. I know wat it is like staying with ur steps nd d rejection u get but ve learnt to put it behind so it does not destroy my attitude with people. Simi dear, Marriage is an institution ordained by God himself. Think about it, marriage is 4 companionship- u can’t live d world alone,procreation

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  4. Laka

    Simi,
    Like u said that ur pastor told u that “anyone you blame for the way you are is the one you have given power to control your destiny” , the ball is in ur court!!!
    However, I will advice you av a rethink. Yesterday/past had gone… u av no power over it. Today is with you… use it wisely. Take a useful decision that will help you have a blissful future…. dont forget, marriage is part of what will give you better future. So, act now!!!

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  5. I cannot imagine how your childhood felt but I think you really need to pray to God to give you that experience/person that would heal you of the psychological build-up from your {mixed} upbringing. Rejection is hurtFUL. I’ve got an overdose of it as well, but you don’t want to wake up from your custom-made bed at 50 alone. Marriage is for companionship (from man) and joy (from kids).

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  6. Mehnnnn….. I honestly haven’t looked at it this way before oh. Chei!

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  7. Marriage questions would continue to be there for as long as new persons emerge on the scene, and for as long as the teachings on marriage remain hackneyed. We ought to go back to the initiator of marital union Himself (individually) to find out the actual recipe. Our collective madness in the name of society or religion no suffices.

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  8. greenknicker; I need no push, my sentiments are sh-air-ed largely on behalf of fRiends! thanks for ur two cents …

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  9. ginibeagha

    So, lets agree you don’t want to marry because of your kids (whom i might add you have already put down to not being able to handle issues normal people have because you obviously are the first Mee to turn out right after a ‘glittering’ start (wow thats a long bracket sha)) then what about fidelity- abi your own body na wood? whats your long term plan on that front (if this was face to face i could have given options but…….) then there is companionship, after reading the above history, the Mee in You needs a companion or at least MUST try getting to know what that is like. Of the 3 major relationship types marriage, family and friends you seem to have really only had friends (I do hope thats true sha) don’t miss out on the ability to get the other 2 cos only marriage can give you that!!
    ……………and like Tyger I hope with this few points of mine……

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  10. thanks Tyger . . . new perspective is always cool. really appreciate ur taking tym to contribute!

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  11. Tyger

    Marriage is for companionship. It’s ur way of admitting to urself n to the other person involved that u have chosen to not walk alone but to do this crazy life journey with someone. Marriage let’s u have your own someone to do the mundane things of life with n to celebrate the special things with. Marriage is ur opportunity to live life thru ur perspective n someone else’s, a someone else u get to choose. It’s not just about kids. Hope I have helped.

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  12. Marriage is for:
    1. companionship
    2. procreation
    3. fidelity

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