My First Time . . .

Guys, I’m Sorry but I just CANNOT STOP (YET) … talk about Self Control *very heavy sigh* 🙂 but what’s virginity got to do with anything?!?

I got into the University with my life and plans of becoming a medical doctor ahead of me. Luckily sheltered all my life and lucky enough (again) to have been solely surrounded (at the core) by Christians (make that moralists); I was naïve with respect to the ways of the world. Filled with the aspirations of becoming a surgeon, I surrounded myself largely by nerds and social riff raffs. Show me your friends and I can tell who you are. Besides, water always finds its level.

Camp was interesting especially because it was a novel experience filled with sturvz I had only heard about in conversation with friends outside my regular circles (academic, church, family). Having been literally walled up all my life I was exposed for the first time, to the ‘outside’ aka ‘real’ world, at least so it was called. For the first time, I (in spite of my hyperactive conscience) was completely free … no roommates monitoring my movement, no matron or mistress hounding me for getting back late to the hostel, no parental figure cramping my style. I was FREE!

Plus we had the soldiers, who gladly made us stay out late in mammy market as long as we squared them with bottles. I was living the life! Oh yes, by the way, I started taking alcohol … although the conversion was gradual (albeit a time-frame of 3 days). Malta Guinness soon completely gave way to Guinness. And Guinness eventually introduced me to its cousins. The thrill, excitement and elation you get from St. Bottles is better experienced than read about. (Singing ‘it takes me high unto the sky …) Besides, I stopped taking fizzy drinks long before I got out of University so a ‘change’ from water was very welcome!

During NYSC proper, a couple of us newly-found-friends (acquaintance gives insight into character) got together to get accommodation; three 2 bedroom flats. Mine contained (by the original design) me and two other girls. Next flat, there were 4 guys; the 3rd contained this guy, me (again) (eventually) and another guy. Like you might have figured out, apart from the bottle, there was ‘this’ guy. He accepted me and loved me and it always felt (these feelings ehn) so good when he touched me. Being a troubled child, his touch nsot only comforted me but also err…took me to places I’d only heard about in 3rd party gist…ok ok TMI (Too Much Information).

Rumor has it that being a virgin in this blackberry generation is as outdated as carrying a telephone box around simply to stay in touch.

What’s ‘virginity’ got to do with it?

There is an account of 10 virgins which made me realize it is ok to share your light with others, just don’t give them your oil/source. Works well in the office as well, share information – help others to grow/rise – make yourself approachable – but keep your trade secrets – how do you balance this? The record also states that 5 of them were foolish and 5 of them were wise. So obviously, being a virgin is not enough considering not all the 10 virgins eventually married the bridegroom …

Another school of thought says it’s ok to go but just don’t go all the way. I mean, what else are you supposed to do on a date after eating anyways? Discovery time; ‘init? As long as penetration doesn’t occur, no harm is done. To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction so I have reservations about the definition of being a virgin. My point however, no matter the definition is this; it is not enough to be a virgin QED.

May your fountain be blessed…let it be for you alone and not for someone else. How do you tell when the person is someone else’s and not yours? Being a serial dater, I like so many other people, have had several opportunities to assume the current date was ‘the one’ so … how can or when do you tell s/he is yours and not for someone else?

You cannot carry fire in your bossom and not be burned. Who has been burned before? And by what were they burned – Syphilis or … what burns?

How many guys out there really want to marry a virgin? To many guys, it’s a lot of work! Although to some, the task of ‘doing’ it would be a pleasurable experience (different strokes for different folk) …

Another school of thought says you pay the price for the prize. So do I take the risk of losing the partner for the status or the status for the partner? Which/what is the prize? If virginity is truly a gift, whose is it, the girls’ or the guys’? At least for it to be a prize!

On the flip side, some guys can’t ‘get it out’ … so what if you wait till it’s d***** too late to find out? (The no sex till we get married BS) err BS: bull shit. It IS about knowing each other anyway, more especially since marriage is ‘supposed’ to be a lifetime contract. You have to know if your man can run, walk or crawl.

Take the case of poor Bola, who being fully aware that the woman is often the obvious (sole) victim of getting ‘caught in adultery’, requested a no-sex-till-we-get-married contract. Contrary to expectation, her ‘man’ was surprisingly willing to ‘wait’ the entire dating period – a whole year. Unbeknownst to her, he could not perform. She had waited so long only to be ‘stood up’ forever and thus possibly (going by noble definition) remain a ‘virgin’ for the rest of her life.

On my last trip to Ghana, I met a girl that has been abused emotionally! She was more than willing to trade that form of abuse for any other kind until we pointed out that no form of abuse is palatable to the recipient. A problem reserves the right to be addressed as such as long as it is yours. Ab-use is abuse no matter the form it chooses to take. Like we said to her, virginity is something you give away, not something you lose. This should also comfort and console rape victims who have suffered discrimination from virgin-friendly ‘men’!

When I started marriage counseling classes, we were told, “the more you smoke, the less you cough” that, I believe is a good summary for those who are bent on the ‘dividends’ of practice. BTW, I’m glad I took those classes mehn. It just makes sense, we spend 4-5years studying to get a university degree BSc. & Co. (minus the preliminary primary and secondary school years) but when it comes to getting or making someone MRS. we think we can just count on ‘being in love’ – sigh!

In addition, being a virgin just like being in love is possibly nothing but a state of the ‘mind’. If the BOOK is considerably nice enough to tell us adultery is committed right in the heart and by mere looks then …

Ok, (wandering … wondering … wandering) back to my original point, “what’s virginity got to do with it?” TO-DAY?!?

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